This week as you go out and do good and be kind to those you interact with, do it without expectation.
Do it without any anticipation of reciprocity. When we do a good or kind thing and have an expectation of how a person will react or how the situation will unfold, it is not a gift. It becomes an exchange. Transactional kindness. You give this, to get that. In a sense, it becomes conditional kindness.
Kindness on the condition of receiving it back.
So this week, spread good acts or kindness without any expectation of reciprocation. Your good acts and kindness are simply a gift.
Don’t do it for karma. Don’t do it for good juju. Don’t do it because of a future payout.
Don't do it even to be a "good person". Robert Williams calls this being on the Kindness Offensive - meaning intentionally and eagerly injecting kindness into the world. How beautiful is that?
6 Ways to Trade Expectations for Kindness
1. Buy a stranger a coffee.
You can even tell them you’re trying this new thing of being kind without expectation and you would love to kick it off by buying them a coffee. It makes them feel like they're in on the goodness train. (Choo! Choo! All aboard! 🚂)
2. For the Lovers - Double down on their love language.
Here are some ideas for each language. • Physical Touch: Give them a full body massage. Don't skip the body oil and relaxing music! Here's my Spotify with a bunch of different vibes. • Words of Affirmation: On individual snippets of paper write down 20 things you admire, respect, cherish, honor, think is sexy, or love about your partner. Put them in a jar with "Words for _____ Name_____" on the front. I recently did this one and it's truly touching. Additionally, they get to pull affirmations whenever they need one. • Acts of Service: Take care of a house task or something that's been broken for a while. This love language is about lightening their load and taking things off their plate. That thing that's been left out for a few weeks that needs fixing or replacing - do it. Here's a Yoga Off the Mat vlog on 5 Ways to Connect Deeply with Your Partner
• Receiving Gifts: Meditate on this one for a moment - make this meaningful. What's a normal thing in their life they've been struggling with? Maybe they just got into healthy meal cooking but they have crappy kitchen knives so you buy them a nice one! Maybe they like going on nature walks so you bring them a nice house plant in a nice pot.
• Quality Time: Consider what quality time means for them - for example, going to the movies may not be quality time for some because you cannot talk. Then actually invite them with a time and a place (that's making a date!) to the thing. Make it a walk in the woods, a picnic at the park, a movie night in the backyard, making a cake/cookies/ice cream together, a wine and painting night.
3. Give a Big Tip - Tell no one!
Next time you go out to eat or go to the cafe, leave a nice tip if you have the means to.
4. Listen to someone's story.
You might not care about that story at ALL. But it may be important and cathartic to the other person to just get it out, or perhaps they simply need a friend (don't we all, sometimes). Holding space for someone is a beautiful act of kindness.
5. Apologize when you’ve been sharp.
Even if you didn’t do anything “wrong”, acknowledge that you care and want to treat the other person with respect. If you were too snappy or fiery (guilty as charged🔥), a simple "Hey, I'm sorry I was sharp when we talked about ____________." Then finish with a hug (or kiss, if applicable!).
6. Teach someone how to do something without judgment.
Or taking a superior position. Everyone is a teacher for us and in turn, we are teachers for everyone in some way. If we can share the knowledge or wisdom we have and do it from a place of
kindness, people absorb the information differently. They feel more comfortable asking deeper, next-level questions. When people learn new things, it's impactful. It reminds me of this quote I say once a week: "When you know better, you do better." - Maya Angelou
How will you inject kindness into the world today? ____________ You might also like these 3 Daily Gratitude Practices